The Skillz Report

Women

 

(originally written 12/31/08)

 

 

I'm done with them, for the foreseeable future. 

Why might you ask? Well, if you've ever had your heart stomped on like a bunch of grapes you don't have to ask "why". You understand.

 

I did everything right.

 

We met yesterday. I was not INSTANTLY smitten, but I was intrigued.

She's 35, a mix of Latina and black, pretty (but not so pretty until it's a distraction) and cool.

We got along very well from the start.
Today I decided to make a move.

 

Again, I did everything right.

 

I looked good. New pants, fresh haircut/shave, nice aroma.
I listened to EVERYTHING she said. Remembered most of it. Drew the focus onto her.
Was charming, but not TOO charming.
Was funny, but not in a silly or forced way.
Was sympathetic without being patronizing.
Was sensitive, yet manly.

 

We were both enjoying each other's company and smiles were the theme.

Less than a minute before I planned to make my move....it happened.
She dropped the "F" word.
As in fiance.

 

Now I know how Ralph Wiggum felt when Lisa Simpson buffed him on the Krusty the Clown show. Not that I’m here to talk about the past.

 

Apparently, I did everything right...except meet this chick five years ago.

 

So, as of now, after two months back IN the game, Skillz is OUT of it. I know, I know, what a blow to females nationwide.
But I can't play with 'em, can't win with 'em, can't coach with 'em.
Can't do it.

 

For the first time since 1999 became 2000, I will spend New Year's Day solo.
Cuz I'm out.