The Skillz Report

Weirdness In Public  Page 2  Page 3

 

 

 

Most years consist of 365 days. Most years, I venture in public in about 360 of them.

 

With rare exceptions, my goals when out in public are to A) finish my tasks as quickly as possible, and B) do so as inconspicuously as I can. 75% of the time, these goals are met. But 25% of the time, society just can't help itself. 

 

For the most part, people mean well and are trying to be nice, and that's fine, I suppose. Over the years, however, I've encountered—or been accosted by—a number of people operating on a whole different wavelength. Some of them have clearly been under the influence of a substance; a few were attempting (unsuccessfully) to be comedic. Others are just, well, loony. Their common denominator: dragging Skillz into a dialogue he wanted no part of.

 

The stories are piling up, and I felt it time to document them, lest they slip from memory. Strange customer service experiences will be listed here as well. New additions will be added as they occur, hopefully they will be few and far between...

 

MOST RECENTLY ADDED STORIES

 

FALL 2018

 

I'm at the local Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market, out of the hospital for less than 20 minutes. In the self-checkout line, a small guy about 35 or so appears behind me, complaining that an elderly woman had just cut in front of him in another line. It was almost like he was telling on her; like he hoped I could intervene or something (and no, he was not special needs.)

 

I just nodded and shrugged while the guy vented, until I finally said "It's too early for this kind of stuff, huh?" His response? "It's all good; the bus don't come for 20 minutes anyway." Then he returned to his original line, as I wondered WTH just happened.

 

 

 

FALL 2018

 

All I wanted to do was some laundry. I've just arrived at the laundromat and am approaching the rear entrance with a bag of clothes. The co-manager of the place is seated on a nearby bench, and as I pass her, she says "No wash today."

 

This gal is a little...different, so I didn't really pay much attention. That is, until she followed that up with "It's Ugly People Day today; only ugly people can wash. You're too CUTE to go in!"

 

I did nothing to provoke this. And before you ask, this gal might have once been attractive, but not now at age 55 or so with at least 100 extra pounds on her. 
Since I have to show my face there again, I smiled, replied "You got me!" and acted as if I enjoyed what just happened...smh.

 

 

 

SUMMER 2017

 

This takes place outside our local Social Security office. I've just finished my business and am walking to my car when a random African-sounding woman holding some stuff—which is important to the story—gets my attention. She wants a ride to the bus station and feels I'm the person to supply it.

 

I lie and say I'm heading out of town the other way, but I will let her use my phone to call a taxi. As she does so, an SUV pulls up from around the corner and stops. A much younger woman yells "Don't you let her use your phone!"

 

Before I can really respond, she's out of the vehicle, spouting anger at the first woman and knocking her stuff to the ground...almost hitting me with it. I didn't know their relationship and I didn't care to find out—I took my phone and split. How did I manage to get dragged into that?

 

 

 

LATE WINTER 2017

 

I'd just dropped the car off at the shop, and was waiting for the bus back home. Mind you, I'd walked close to a mile to arrive at this bus stop, and while I didn't quite stink, I wasn't exactly springtime fresh.

 

I stood there with my hoodie up over my head, hoping to minimize the chances of being accosted. 

it didn't help.

 

A yellow-toothed, long-braided woman in her late 40's or so commented on how good I smelled. "Me?" I asked, confused. She confirmed yes, I'm the one she's referring to, and semi-flirtatiously makes more remarks about my scent. "I shouldn't smell good; I just walked a mile to get here," I said, hoping to end this interaction quickly.

 

"You mind if I take a whiff?" she asked, even though I knew she would do so regardless of what I said.

Still, I granted permission, and she did indeed sniff my person. "That IS you smellin' that good!"

 

I didn't know what to say, so I just shrugged and silently prayed for the bus to arrive in the next three seconds. It did soon come, and thankfully my new friend said not a word to me once on board. So now I've been sniffed by a stranger in public at the oddest of times. Yay me.

 

 

 

 

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