The Skillz Report

2012: Approaching The On-Ramp

 

(originally written 12/30/11)

 

Last year I set some pretty lofty personal goals for 2011, 75% of which went unmet mostly due to time and parenting constrictions. It’s hard to disappear for entire weekends when you have any baby, let alone one as irresistible as Jozanah. So for 2012, I’ve dialed back a little. Instead of declaring absolutes like some sort of 14th century explorer, I’ll just outline a few…wishes. And maybe a prediction or three.

 

WISH #1: Do away with the vile!

I’d like Osama Bin Laden to die again. His elimination sparked nationwide jubilation, of which there is far too little in the United States. Also in short supply: evil tyrants who need killin’, and even if they weren’t, wiping them out wouldn’t come close to having the same impact. So I propose just killing Bin Laden again in 2012. And if he refuses to go along with this plan, then we do it in effigy.

 

 

WISH #2: Every day, flash a smile!

As has been well-documented, I have little use for people in general. They’re stupid and they’re everywhere and they’re always in my way no matter what I’m doing. I never knew it was so obvious until yesterday, when I learned that Kim came away from our first-ever meeting with the impression I didn’t like her. 100% untrue, I have dug Kim from day #1—but clearly, I must have “given off” something that implied otherwise.

Don’t wanna do that anymore. In 2012 I intend to cut the humans a bit more slack—after all, some of my favorite people today—such as Kim—were yucky strangers three, even two years ago. Let’s not get extreme—I don’t envision transforming into a male Miriam, giggling and hugging everyone in my orbit unless I’ve been drugged. But the days of greeting the unfamiliar with a scowl, a la B.A. Baracus, are hopefully over.

 

 

WISH #3: Prove it’s not just denial!

Alex noticed it before I did—some of my hair appears to be growing at a slower rate than the rest. Well, that simply can’t be. Even though I don’t usually grow my hair out, I like knowing that I can. And I’m not ready to lose that ability just because so many of my relatives did. In 2011, it was “The Reduction”. Come 2012, my new mission will be “The Restoration”. If I have to water my head and stand in the sun for hours at a time, then that’s what I’ll do. Cuz I just ain’t ready to be CueBall. Not yet…not ever.

 

 

WISH #4: Put it all on file!

Sure, we all hang out as a group, or in pairs, but in 2012 I’d like to get to know my Meetup-made friends a lot better on an individual basis. I want to know the last time Chino punched somebody in the face. And what bath tissue Jason prefers. And if Angie can touch her nose with her tongue. And if Damien, aka “Frenchie”, ever accidentally gets in the wrong side of the car to drive. I am making it my business to see something on sale and be able to state, with confidence: “Tom would like that Mr. Potato Head tie. It would remind him of his youth,” for example.

 

 

FINAL WISHES: Go the extra mile!

2011 saw a lot of good times, with a lot of great folks—just not enough. 2012 needs more than four hours with Luke, Mike and Paul. Let’s work on setting up a batting practice or other event and I’ll do my best to make it. 2012 needs more than just the occasional late-night couch movie with Alex.

2012 needs hopefully one Boyz’ Nite per month; bi-monthly at most. I have so much more wisdom to dispense to people eight years older than me (Jose) I’m not too worried if Ash can’t make it, because I bumped into him at three separate, random places in 2011 and am confident the same will happen in 2012.

2012 also needs monthly flag football games. The five in 2011 were great fun and great exercise, even the Mud Bowl. Maybe I can also find out who on earth has my football.
2012 needs another Great America trip—I want redemption in the three-point challenge and the ring toss. It needs more dinners at Heather’s. It needs more Scrabble matches with Miriam and/or Jennifer. It needs more workouts with Amy and Jason, more training sessions with Kim, more billiards matches with Jose at which we confuse Zin’s restroom emergency for rage, and more hoop games with Juan, Chicken and the crew.

 

 

BONUS WISH: Introduce it in style!

If you know of any upcoming New Year’s parties, fill me in. Especially if cute make-out partners who accept thick beards are attending. 
See you soon, 2012. Please bring health, happiness and peace to all of my friends and relatives. But most of all to me and Josie. :)

Merry Everyone, and Happy Circumstances!
Your Boy,
Skillzilla